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Fic: What About Now - Chapter 12

June 17th, 2011 (09:57 pm)

Title: What About Now?
Pairing: Jared/Colin
Rating: R
Feedback: Need it!
Disclaimer: NOT TRUE, and hopefully most will never ever happen. I own nothing.
Beta: The always amazing legolastariel  helped me out with this. Thank you, dear!
A/N: Story begins at the O2 Arena concert November 30th.

A/N 2: Dedicated in its entirety to the ever lovely and always supportive legolastariel !

Summary: Jared is fighting for his life. Colin is fighting with himself. And the press is fighting for a story.

The drive home from LAX had been tedious and dull and Colin was now enjoying the familiar signs of the approaching City of Angels, his home. But more importantly right now, the home of his busy lover. He was just about to call Jared and tell him he was on his way, when his phone rang.

“How far along are you?” Jared asked, foregoing greetings completely and cutting right to the chase.

“Just turned on to the freeway, I’m enjoying the coastline as we speak. I should be there in about 15 minutes.” Colin answered. Actual catching up could wait for tonight when they were enjoying the afterglow in each other’s arms.

“We’re just about done for tonight in the studio. I was gonna order the two of us some pizza. Maybe turn in early?” Jared asked, his tone much too suggestive for Colin to believe the American had any plans of sleeping.

“Sounds lovely.” Colin replied with a smile, starting to tap a rhythm on the steering wheel with his free hand, before saying, “I can’t wait to see you.”

Jared did not return the sentiment, but Colin could tell from the way Jared’s next words were much more relaxed that he appreciated it and that was enough for the Irishman. Colin knew that Jared was the prouder and less affectionate piece of their partnership, but fortunately, Colin had no problems being demonstrative enough for them both.

“You want a dead animal on your pizza?” Jared quipped.


“Fine,” Jared sighed dramatically, “hooves or feathers?”

“I'll take something with hooves today.” Colin smiled wickedly, enjoying their banter immensely. Jared loved to bring up Colin’s meat-eating ways whenever he could, making this a common argument between them.

“You’ll get it, you despicable human being, eating God’s little animal friends, I'll be sure to find you something really nasty.”

“Thanks, my not-so passive-aggressive beloved.”

“Anytime.” Jared answered and Colin could practically hear the smile in the American’s voice before Jared hung up the phone, in order to dial the pizza place they preferred. Only seconds passed before the phone rang again.

“That was fast, you got a busy tone?”

“I’m sorry? I was calling…” A hesitant female voice spoke, perking up as soon as she realized the call had been answered. “I’m trying to reach Colin Farrell.”

“You’ve got him.” Colin said carefully. The timbre sounded slightly familiar, but he could not place it.

“Oh.” The voice immediately lightened and the tone took on a more sensual note. “I’ve been trying to reach you after last week.”

Colin said nothing, trying to concentrate on the traffic, ignoring the way his stomach was sinking. He had an idea what this might be about, but he was not going to volunteer any information.

“You know? Last week?” She pressed, seemingly confused with Colin’s lack of response. “We had sex after they closed the set for the night…”

“I remember.” Colin answered quickly. He did not need anything refreshed. He remembered her now. She was one of the ridiculous amounts of PA’s assigned to follow him around on set. She had been flirting with him nonstop from his arrival and they had gotten it on during the wrap-up party. He had clarified several times that it was purely a one-night stand, but she had apparently not gotten the message.

She responded with another, “Oh.”

“It was a one-time deal. I thought we agreed on that.”

“I know you said that, but one of the makeup girls gave me your number and I figured…”

“Listen, it was nice of you to find me, but I’m not interested.”

“Oh.” Colin could not remember her being this clueless before. “So you don’t want to meet up tonight? I could make it worth your while…”

“No thanks. Look, I gotta go. It was… nice talking to you. But I really gotta run.” Colin rushed, trying desperately to get her off the line, annoyed with himself for even picking up without checking the caller ID.

He had become good friends with one of the makeup girls, a young mother who he had hoped to stay in touch with, but apparently, Carol had taken liberties with his number, which was not a good basis for a friendship. To her defense, Colin had told her he was single – but he had also told her that he was not looking for someone steady, which she had obviously ignored.

Sighing, Colin offered another excuse before hanging up on the ‘Oh’-girl as he made his way down the exit leading to Jared’s neighborhood. He felt uncomfortable in his own skin. Though they practiced an open relationship, they also had an unwritten rule that it was only while on-set, in his case, and while touring, in Jared’s. This phone call, though unintentional, did cut it pretty close and he felt guilty that his peace of mind had been spoiled. His good mood ruined from the interaction with a woman he had no desire to remember.

Jared’s house in the hills appeared in the distance, slightly cut off from all the others for the sake of privacy, but instead of feeling refreshed and delighted, he now felt touchy. Before he knew it, he was parking his car in the guest spot, next to Jared and Shannon’s, and making his way to the front door.

For the first time in years, Colin did not know whether to knock or just walk straight in. Usually, he would have walked straight in, but for some reason that felt pretentious now. And maybe Jared was busy, he told himself.

Raising his arm, he knocked on the heavy wooden door. Through the glass panel he could see Jared coming to answer it and Colin’s palms turned sweaty. He knew he was being ridiculous and that technically he had done nothing wrong, but for some reason he felt like a giant ass who had somehow tainted his and Jared’s night. The door opened to reveal his lover, freshly shaved, wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a closely fitted t-shirt. He looked more dressed up than he usually bothered with while recording and Colin knew it was just for him, but that did nothing to make him feel better.

He was pulled into a tight hug as Jared dragged him into the house and away from possible prying eyes. Kicking the door closed, Jared threw himself into Colin’s arms as their mouths met in a desperate kiss of teeth, tongue and it’s been too long. Jared suddenly pulled away, scrutinizing Colin at arm’s length.

“What is it?” The American asked, a note of suspicion entering his voice.

“Nothing,” Colin responded, flustered, immediately knowing he was in trouble. That was not a convincing lie at all.

Jared took a good long look at his lover and swiftly decided that if there was one thing he hated more than someone lying to his face, it was Colin lying to his face.

“You are lying to me.” Jared whispered coldly, taking a step back. A step away from Colin.

Colin was about to deny it, but he reconsidered due to the damage it would cause. Jared was already on to him, so he might as well tell him the truth. “A chick I slept with on-set gave me call.”

“And she means something to you.” Jared said despondently, misunderstanding Colin’s strange mood completely. Jared could practically feel himself become frozen. He knew Colin would leave him eventually, he had steeled himself for it months ago, but he had hoped that he would get to enjoy being with the Irishman for a bit longer.

“No!” Colin stuttered, confused with the sudden change in atmosphere from desire to dejection. But taking in Jared’s kicked puppy look, he knew he had to fix this fast. Jared hated feeling vulnerable, and that hatred could swiftly turn to anger. Colin knew he was running on borrowed time.

“She… She means nothing.” Colin said, mustering all the conviction he had in him, determined to make Jared see. He closed the distance between them and crowded Jared, walking them both backwards until they had their backs against the door. “I’m yours. Only yours.”

Calculating blue eyes gazed at Colin, measuring him, before Jared’s tense shoulders relaxed. “Sorry,” he breathed out, feeling like an idiot. Like a nervous chick, needing reassurance from her prince.

“Sorry,” Jared said again, more firmly this time.

Giving Colin a peck on the cheek, he pulled away from the familiar embrace, suddenly needing the distance to collect himself again. To convince himself that Colin was his a little longer.


It was late evening when Colin finally arrived at Queen Elizabeth hospital and the rain, which had plagued the area enough to delay his flight, had softened to a gentle drizzle. He was still commuting back and forth between LA and London and though it was annoying, he would not even consider stopping. As long as Jared was admitted to the hospital, he would keep showing up and offering his presence in support, travel miles be damned.

The bleak area in front of the hospital was, for once, practically deserted, as most of the fans had sought drier pastures once the downpour began. The Echelon never failed to make their presence known to the band and left behind were some wet banners and glow in the dark triads. To be on the safe side, Colin asked to be brought to the back entrance on the other side of the medical center. It was the one furthest away from the wing Jared resided in, hence the lack of fans camping out in front. For that reason, it was the entrance Colin used the most.

Making his way through the hall, Colin nodded grimly at the nurses he passed, steeling himself for confrontation. These days, he always was. Jared’s mood shifted between blazing anger and coldness, mixed with the occasional bout of neediness and when the singer was not yelling at everyone, he was morosely staring out the window with an apathetic indifference, refusing to talk or lamenting what he believed to have lost. It was as though Jared had ceased to live. His once strong spirit had been cowed by the walls of the hospital and smothered by his lack of independence.

Colin entered the hospital room to find a withdrawn Jared looking at the wall, eyes blank. The Irishman bit back a sigh. He preferred angry Jared to apathetic Jared. At least when Jared was angry, small sparks of the fire that used to characterize the singer would still shine through, offering some hope. This however, was not one of the good days.

“Hey beautiful.” Colin said softly, as he casually looked for a seat. Jared flinched on the bed, turning his head away, which was another sign of the sad indifference claiming the singer today. When angry, he would rant and rave at Colin for making him uncomfortable with his terms of endearments. Not that it made Colin stop. The actor had already decided with himself that he would keep calling Jared beautiful until he believed it again.

“How are you?” Colin asked softly, but he received no reply or acknowledgement from his ex. It seemed that Jared had no desire to speak or in any way interact with Colin today.

Sighing in defeat, Colin reached into his bag to fish out his book, figuring he would read aloud to Jared, instead of letting the silence fill up the room. Fingering the dry pages, he searched for an unread chapter. When he found one, he started reading, letting the words flow from him.

Jared leaned back on the bed, letting Colin’s soothing voice wash over him. He had come to love hearing the familiar voice read to him. Loved having his friend to himself for a while.

“Did it bother you?” Jared asked suddenly, his voice scratchy from lack of use.

“Did what bother me?” Colin asked confused, trying to keep up with the conversation. When Jared finally decided to talk, frequent and odd changes in subject were not unusual. Putting the book down, Colin could only hope that Jared wanted to talk about something other than what he had lost. It was not exactly self-pity holding the singer captive, it was more a despair that was truly devastating to watch, which had claimed the older man.

“We were never faithful to each other.”

“Where did that come from?” Once again, Jared’s change of direction floored Colin. Their former relationship was not something either of them brought into the conversation. It was difficult enough to try and rebuild their tenuous friendship without discussing all that had gone wrong between them again and again.

“Did it bother you?” Jared pressed, ignoring Colin’s question.

Colin leaned back on the chair to think. There was no point in trying to alter the train of conversation, as Jared was not going to be persuaded to talk about something else. Instead, Colin tried to remember how it felt, back when they were dating, to know that they were not exclusive. It was not difficult.

Colin had never truly felt jealous regarding Jared sleeping around. There was simply no need to, as Jared was not the type to let his guard down around anyone. Colin had been one of the few people who ever saw Jared let go. Some random groupie was not allowed in and therefore did not prompt any jealousy.

Now if Jared had dared to actually talk to any of them. And not just Jared rambling, but actual talking... Colin would not have hesitated to punch Jared in the throat. No one would hear him talk but Colin.

But he could not deny that it was strange, knowing he shared the man he loved with others. And he was no better himself; he shared his own body with strangers in an attempt to take away the sharp edge of loneliness when they were apart for long. It was never due to lack of love or desire on either part. It was merely a brutal realism concerning the fact that they were bound to be struck by insurmountable temptation, when being away from each other for weeks at the time. Hell, there had been times during Jared’s touring that Colin practically forgot how it felt to spend the night with his boyfriend and not by himself in a lonely hotel room. The girls were simply empty bodies to slack his lust in. But they were never Jared.

“It definitely freaked me out in the beginning. A lot.” Colin said honestly. “I had been in open relationships before, but never while being in love. I felt guilty about not feeling guilty having sex with someone else, which should be so guilt inspiring, you know?” Colin said, in his typical wordy way. And not wordy as in articulate – but wordy, as in long, slightly clumsy sentences that somehow seemed random, yet as if they held the key to understanding the universe if only deciphered right. The thought was almost enough to make Jared consider smiling. His own little Colin mystery. An enigma wrapped in a full-blooded Irish riddle.

“What about you?” Colin asked quickly, ignoring Jared’s strange expression. He was honestly curious, as it was not really something they had spent a lot of time talking about back when they were together. It was only brought up when they somehow stumbled into talking about it, but it was never deliberately added to a conversation.

“I did not use to feel guilty about getting both worlds.” Jared replied, his eyes turning vacant once more. Colin could have sworn he saw a spark a mere second ago. But it was long gone now.

Jared folded his arms, fiddling with the IV on his wrist as he delved further into his mind. Before all this with Mason had happened, the hedonistic aspect had never gotten to the singer. At the end of the day, he was too self-glorifying to understand what was so wrong about enjoying life while he could. It was probably the growing up around hippies and other free spirits, who convinced both Jared and Shannon that sex was a validating gesture meant to be shared between people. A means of communication. It stuck with him and he enjoyed sex with every part of his being and with most willing members of society. It was just adults having fun. He could not, for the life of him, understand why he should not revel in it. Sex was a gift.

And yet it had now become his curse.

“Is this about Helmstrom?” Colin asked. The name sounded wrong on his tongue. The Irishman got his answer when the singer turned away once more. He knew Jared had talked to the Inspector a few days ago, but so far, very little information had been offered to Colin. And he knew better than to try and dig.

“Am I disgusting?” Jared asked weakly.

“Don’t do that.” Colin’s voice was suddenly cold. The deep brown eyes took on a dangerous gleam that confused Jared.

“Don’t do what?”

“Get swept up in someone else’s madness!”

“I’m sorry?” Jared did not know whether he was apologizing or asking a question.

“Why do you do this to yourself? You have enough pitted against you without somehow adding the belief that you deserve this.”

Jared did not like the expression on Colin’s face. It was not anger and it was not fear… but it was somewhere in the same family. A look like Colin was watching something on life support that he knew would not die… but he was not certain would fully recover either.

“What the fuck do you want me to do?” Jared’s harsh words were swallowed in the distress it was spoken in, the question loaded with emotion.

“I want you to place the blame where it belongs! Not take it on yourself.” Colin said with a groan, before getting on his feet to pace the room.

“You’re no saint, we both know that. But you do not deserve this.”

Jared opened his mouth to argue, but Colin stopped him.

“Don’t. I can see the guilt in your eyes, Jared. I can see that you blame yourself.” And for once, Jared made no move to argue. Colin continued, “But I don’t need to hear what happened between you and that bastard. I don’t need to hear it, I just need to know you. And a lot of people may sometimes have shitty things to say about your behavior. Especially when you’re stressing yourself. But I fucking know you Jared. And you may sometimes be an arrogant mess, but you have never been cruel. And what he did was cruel.” Colin finished, his hands gesticulating as he spoke his mind. Waiting a few seconds, he hesitatingly added, “You are not a bad person, Jay.”

Jared released a deep breath he did not even know he had been holding. He might not fully agree with Colin’s words, but the fact that his ex did not hold this against him felt comforting in a way he had not even realized he needed.

The fact that Colin was not going to just leave him now that they were finally talking again made Jared feel more at ease than he had in a while, prompting his next words.

“You were reading something to me about an orchard.”


“Orchards, Colin. Get to the orchards.” Jared said, leaning back on the bed once more, his upper body relaxing back into the bedding.

Colin could not help but smile slightly as he picked up the book once more, happy that some things never changed.


After Colin left, the older brother took over babysitting duties, but Shannon was currently having less luck than the Irishman in keeping Jared entertained.

“Touch the mask again and I will tape it to your face.” Shannon said for what felt like the hundredth time, not once looking up from the Kerrang! he was leafing through, as Jared fiddled with the breathing mask again.

“I can’t breathe with it!” the singer whined, glaring at his unaffected brother.

“It’s fucking oxygen, you idiot.” Shannon said annoyed, finally looking up from his magazine, lack of patience with his brother’s antics clear on his face. “And it’s your last breathing treatment so will you cut the bitching?” The last two tests of Jared’s lung function had been very optimistic, so the doctors had decided to make the one the singer was currently “suffering” through, the final one. Shannon could not wait to have Jared breathing independently again. It never stopped being wrong to see a mask or a cannula obscuring his brother’s face. It made him look so breakable and Shannon detested it.

Jared ‘harrumphed’, crossing his arms trying to look threatening. Shannon merely shook his head and went back to reading.

Jared’s apathy had turned to anger a little after noon, when some poor star struck nurse assigned to help him bathe had fumbled with the traction on his leg, making Jared yell at her enough to send her running from the room crying. Shannon had arrived in the middle of the mess and had not been treated any better, but he had accepted it calmly, knowing this day was tough on Jared’s nerves.

Unwilling to indulge his brother’s bad mood, Shannon decided to bring forth the subject that was undoubtedly crowding Jared’s mind. Experience had taught him it was better to try and distract Jared, and not let him linger in the shadows.

“Looking forward to talking with the doctor?” Shannon asked, threading carefully. A team of physicians would stop by in a few hours with the results of rigorous testing that had been done on Jared’s leg the past few days, tests that would show the extent of the damage.

“I guess,” Jared shrugged, his voice still tense. But Shannon could sense he had his brother’s attention.

“You do know that whatever the results, nothing will change between us.”

“Everything will change,” Jared said calmly. But the tone of his voice was far from condemning. He was merely stating facts.

“Not between you and I.” Shannon sighed. He loved his brother fiercely, but this Jared could really push his buttons. He hated it when people questioned the love he held for his younger sibling, especially when the one doing the questioning was Jared himself.

“Everything will change between us, if the news is bad. You know that.” The singer pushed, rearranging himself on the bed so that he was no longer facing his older brother, but instead was able to glance at the door.

“How so?” Shannon already knew the answer, but that did not stop him.

“We both know that there’s no more music for me.”

“But you’re still my brother.” Shannon pressed, getting out of the chair to sit on Jared’s bed instead, valiantly trying to engage his brother with his eyes.

“Yeah.” Jared answered absently, still not looking at Shannon and the drummer bit the inside of his lip to keep from snapping. He refused to get into a fight with Jared today.

Jared did not want to have this conversation again. He knew there was no convincing Shannon and truthfully, he was not sure that he wanted to convince his brother to give him up.

“Are you still sure you want to do this on your own?” Shannon asked, deliberately changing the subject before his anger could take over.

“I’m sure.”

“I – I could call…” Shannon drew a breath, pursing his lips in dissatisfaction, “Colin.” He relented, “I could call Colin and ask him if he wants to come back. If you want me to.”

That gave him Jared’s full attention and the blue eyes looked at him incredulously, trying to figure out if Shannon was bluffing, before settling on mild confusion. He did not know if he should be worried that Shannon was concerned enough to pull the Colin card.

“No, thank you. I’ll be fine, Shannon.” Jared said with as much assurance as he could pull forth. He was determined to do this on his own. Determined to clutch at what little independence he had left.

“Why don’t you try and catch some sleep then?” Jared usually slept when getting oxygen treatments, but this time around the singer was much too agitated to rest.


Shannon searched Jared’s clipped words and shadowed appearance for a reason. The drummer had become better than ever at reading his brother’s expressions for emotion and he now knew that Jared never complained about his leg, even though the pain medication, though strong, was far from enough sometimes.

As if reading Shannon’s mind, Jared turned to look at his older brother. “I need to get out of here.” He swallowed a breath. “I don’t care how much pain I’ll have to learn to stomach, I can’t stay here any longer.” Gone was the unworthy anger and back was the desperation shinning through Jared’s eyes. Shannon fought the urge to promise his brother that he was going home. He wanted badly to assure Jared that he would get him out of here, no matter what.

But this was one mess, which Shannon could not fix and a promise he could not keep.


Pain used to be just a feeling to Jared. He had spent years testing his body, forcing it to accept pain as something sensual. Even going as far as to twist it into something artistic and deep. Whether it was in prep for a role or the agony his battered body sometimes felt after too many shows and not enough breaks, he had made himself familiar with pain years ago.

But now, the pain was a constant. It was the first thing he became aware of when he awoke in the morning, and it was among the last of his thoughts before he succumbed to sleep at night. Though his chest was fairing much better, the tissue in his lung still felt uncomfortably stretched and ached when he took deep breaths.

Yet nothing could beat the steady and dull pulsating pain radiating from his thigh and all the way to his toes. Not even the continuous chemical assistance could take it away.

Not that he had any plans to divulge too much of that to Dr. Chambers, who was standing in front of his bed. He was not going to lie, per say, but the full extent of the pain did not have to see the light. Jared was frankly terrified that they would keep him any longer. He could live with pain, but he could not live with falling asleep in a hospital bed another day.

Three men and a woman wearing white coats had filed into Jared’s room a little after lunch, and the singer was introduced to the orthopedic team at Queen Elizabeth Hospital. After a brief round of handshakes, they had begun their assessment of Jared, asking him questions about how he was feeling, where the pain was centered and how it felt when they poked and prodded, much to the singer’s discomfort. Through the period of questions, Dr. Chambers had scribbled notes in his book, occasionally staring hard at Jared as he spoke.

The scrutiny was far from pleasant. Though he was used to having everyone’s eyes on him, this was vastly different. So much more was at stake this time around and he had no idea how to act. He was used to being the center of attention and usually he reveled in it, but this was just another defeat to him. Another reminder of how little control he had left over his life. And it made him grow more and more frustrated. He just wanted the whole thing to end. Most of the conversation went over his head anyway.

Except for Dr. Chamber’s next words that went straight to his heart and made it difficult for him to breathe.

“We are going to remove the traction.”

Dr. Chamber’s peered up from the handful of x-rays he had carefully been studying, to give Jared a dissecting look. The singer was convinced the doctor had to have seen Jared’s sudden utter dread, but he received no cue that he had.

Though Jared had looked forward to the removal, he had feared the pain it would bring and it turned out he was not mistaken. With every piece they unscrewed, Jared had to bite his tongue to keep from screaming, the pain was so severe. He was not embarrassed to admit to himself that he truly wished Shannon had stayed with him. Jared could have used his brother’s strong hands to clutch. To his surprise, the doctors barely spared him a glance as they kept on prodding every freed piece of his leg.

A man who had introduced himself as Dr. West stepped forward, placing a hand on Jared’s ankle.

“I need you to try and wriggle your toes, for me.” Easy for you to say, Jared almost snapped, but he managed to stop himself. Sure, he could manage such a trivial task, right?

Focusing all his energy on his toes, he tried. But nothing happened. The more he tried, the less seemed to be happening. Frustration and anxiety flowed through him like a tidal wave, until he was barely able to think. Nothing was second nature anymore and nothing seemed to be helping. Jared wanted to scream in frustration at his lack of ability to move.

“Jared, look at me.” He had been concentrating so hard on trying to move his toes that he had completely blocked out everything around him, including Dr. West, who had been trying to get his attention. Jared looked up and into warm hazel eyes, not unlike Shannon’s, and the comparison calmed him slightly. “Try not to overthink it, just let it happen.”

Taking a deep breath, he tried to let his mind take him back to the garden of his home, imagining his feet walking through the tall grass in his backyard. To his surprise, his big toe flickered. Jared let out a whoop of excitement, before quickly calming himself, embarrassed at the show of emotion in front of the more stoic doctors. He was relieved to find small smiles on their faces and not indifference, and he immediately felt calmer at the small sign of approval.

“Our tests show that the damage seems to be centered at the femoral nerve, making the chances of you walking again larger than we could have hoped for.” Dr. Chambers said kindly, a smile warming the weathered face.

“How large?” Jared asked, feeling more nervous than he had in a while.

“You might be walking unaided in 6 months time. However running… that might take years.” Dr. Chambers was solemn, not taking his eyes away from his patient.

But walking was possible. Walking was probable. Walking was going to happen and Jared felt invigorated by the news.

“Since your brother has been here the whole time, I assume that the two of you are close.”

“We live together.” Jared was confused by the sudden change in subject.

“Good, good. You will need someone with you 24/7. Seeing as you are ready to be moved from the bed and into a wheelchair, I see no reason why we can’t release you into the care of your own doctor in The States.”

“I can go home?” Jared whispered, unable to fully believe that he might be let free. That he might get to return to his life and pick up the pieces.

“You can go home.” Dr. Chambers said proudly.


Someone once said we feel free when we escape, even if it be from the fire into the frying pan. Jared would have to agree, as he had never felt such freedom before. He could still only lie on his back, his leg was still dead weight and the pain was still spectacular, but never had he felt such freedom as when they lowered him into the wheelchair. Such glorious, beautiful freedom. He almost felt like weeping.

Rolling into the hallway, Jared was greeted with Shannon and Colin’s beaming faces. Rarely had he seen undiluted joy coming from his brother and his ex. They too, recognized how important this was a step.

He was going home.




Posted by: addicusrosewood (addicusrosewood)
Posted at: June 17th, 2011 11:52 pm (UTC)

Omg! I freak out everytime you post. This is so touching, I got a tear in my eye and smiled in this chapter. Can not wait for the next. I wonder how col and shan are gonna negotiate J's care.

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: July 7th, 2011 08:51 pm (UTC)
Re: yay!

lol, I'm happy my little story elicits that kind of response! Next chapter will be up soon, sorry for the long wait. :)

Posted by: ndrng_cntrdctn (ndrng_cntrdctn)
Posted at: June 19th, 2011 05:44 am (UTC)

ARGH! I started reading this and realized there is more! I loved this part and was so angry at Colin, then at Jared, and just ALDKFJADKFJ.

*sigh, breathe* Seriously though, I loved this. Now I have to go back and read the other parts. <3 Awesome ^.^

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: July 7th, 2011 08:54 pm (UTC)

heh! I hope you did not stay angry at either of the boys for too long ;)

I'm glad you like this and I hope the other parts live up to your expectations :)

Thanks for reading!

Posted by: shiralyndee (shiralyndee)
Posted at: June 21st, 2011 10:27 pm (UTC)

Oh I love the intense emotion that you bring to each chapter. Please keep up the wonderful work;)

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: July 7th, 2011 08:55 pm (UTC)

Thank you! I will keep this story going I promise ;)

Posted by: shiralyndee (shiralyndee)
Posted at: July 9th, 2011 05:19 am (UTC)

I'm so happy that Jared understands that he needs help. And that he is reaching out for help. But how is Jared go to tell Colin about the shooter knowing about the two of them?

Posted by: alice_domoto (alice_domoto)
Posted at: June 27th, 2011 10:21 am (UTC)

I really love this! And I'm so excited every time you write a new chapter.
My heart melts when Colin calls Jared "Beautiful". Jared does need reassurances from others.
I think this open relationship is understandable but it is not going to work in the end :( Just imagine...the jealousy...the quarrels...maybe they have to fix this in the end.
Yay~ Jared is going to be released! This is a big step.Things begin to turn to the bright side, at last!
Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: July 7th, 2011 09:00 pm (UTC)

And I'm excited evey time I see a new comment ;)))
Jared is still beautiful to Colin, wounds or no wounds and Jared needs to hear that.
I'm glad you can understand, I was afraid a lot of people would get angry about it. But I agree, it does not have forever written over it.
He needs to go home, the poor guy. I hope that things will get brighter, but I make no promises... ;)
Next chap will be up in a few hours!

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: July 7th, 2011 09:38 pm (UTC)

I am honored to recieve that kind of feedback from you. Your comment made my week and I truly appreciate that you took the time to type up such a long review! THANK YOU!
Writing Jared with a psycholigical edge is a lovely challenge that I have been unable to resist putting into this story. He is the kind of man you cannot help but analyze and try to nail down character wise and I love doing it. I'm happy that he comes off as real to you.
The flashbacks are both delightful and heartwrenching to write, I'll admit, but so worth it. And the medical stuff has always intrigued me, personally.
His mental breakup has been the most challenging aspect of this story, as it is hard to know how anyone reacts to a crisis, so I am delighted that you find it gripping.
I understand your objection. I really do, and I have chided myself a few times for going with the most chosen guy to torture. I think the desire to hurt him, at least for me personally, stems from a desire to break him down and see what makes the man what he is. He is to many an enigma, but pain has a way of making us all equal and this has been a way for me to try and find out how his character holds under pressure. But I do agree with the whole "saintly with an edge", it is a brilliant viewpoint and I agree with it, at least to a certain point.
I definitely have a weakness for the sibling relationship. It is one of my favorite dynamics to explore. I'm also glad you like Shannon, he is a difficult guy to figure out, so I'm glad he works for you.
I love Colin and I'm not done trying to paint him, but unfortunately his 'screen time' has been limited thus far, but that will not continue happening.
Their combined characters are such a riveting combination and I love writing this fic, I have no plans of abandoning it, I promise!
Once again, thank you so much for your great review, truly :)

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