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Fic: What About Now - Chapter 10

May 16th, 2011 (06:22 pm)

Title: What About Now?

Pairing: Jared/Colin
Rating: R
Feedback: Need it! Need it so bad.
Disclaimer: NOT TRUE, and hopefully most will never ever happen. I own nothing.
Beta: The eternally luminous legolastariel  who helped out, as always. Thank you! *bows down*.

A/N: Story begins at the O2 Arena concert November 30th.

A/N 2: Dedicated in its entirety to the ever lovely and always supportive legolastariel  !

Summary: Jared is fighting for his life. Colin is fighting with himself. And the press is fighting for a story.

Christmas 2006

Colin hummed a tune to himself as he made his way down the long hallway of the charming New York hotel. Though he was tired from the flight, every step bringing him closer to his destination sent a burst of energy through him. Getting the key from the receptionist had been easier than Colin had thought it would be. A simple request had done the trick, which would mean that Jared was expecting company. More importantly, he was expecting Colin. It was hardly a surprise that his arrival was expected. He was terrible at keeping secrets. Apparently, his prodding into Jared’s plans for the days of the holiday they were supposed to be spending apart had been less than subtle. Colin had meant to spend Christmas with his family before meeting up with Jared on his birthday, but unable to wait, he had left his mother’s house early and jumped on the first plane to New York to visit his vacationing lover, much to the amusement of his teasing sisters.

Running the keycard through the slot, Colin watched as the light turned from red to green. As quietly as possible, he padded through the door of the modest hotel room, making sure that only a slender column of light escaped from the hallway into the room. The room was far from a suite and held no luxury items, as Jared preferred to siphon his hard-earned money into furthering the band, but it was welcoming with its earthy décor and clean lines. Colin knew that Jared preferred this particular hotel for just those reasons. Minimalism had always appealed to the man.

Making his way through the room, he stopped in the doorway of the bedroom to stare at the figure lying on the double bed. White covers had been pulled all the way up for warmth, so all he could see was a mess of hair peeking out against the pillow. It had been a long night and he was worn out, but seeing the sleeping man brought an instantaneous and tender smile to his face. Being this close to his lover never failed to make him feel at home. Not bothering to unpack, the Irishman dropped the duffle bag near the door and discarded his jacket on a nearby chair, before dragging himself onto the bed, his movements sedate. Right now, his only focus was pulling the slumbering figure into his arms and feeling him close.

The moment Jared felt hands on him, his blue eyes sprung open in confusion and a small surprised gasp left him. His own exhaustion momentarily forgotten, Colin leaned in and possessed Jared’s open mouth in a passionate, but lazy kiss that had their tongues and teeth clashing. The unique taste of Jared caused Colin’s heart to skip a beat, his blood pressure rising at the familiar musky scent, as his ears fell deaf to the rest of the world. There was something so refreshing about kissing the American. His smaller lips were soft and pliant, yet their movements were dominating and confident. It never failed to reassure him that he was desired and wanted, just as he was, in the older man’s embrace.

Pulling free left them both breathing heavily, the sound echoing in the stillness of the hotel room, before a smirking Jared broke the silence.

"I–Was your nose supposed to crash into mine?"

Colin snorted and promptly answered by flipping Jared onto his back and linking their mouths in a bruising kiss of enveloping desire that had the man moaning into his mouth in enthusiasm. Colin pulled Jared’s arms above his head, linking their hands together and running his thumb across the long, delicate fingers, briefly brushing the calluses that had been permanently indented onto the skin of the musicians’ palm from many hours of guitar playing. Colin could not help but smile as he intertwined their finger. He would recognize the feel of those hands anywhere.

“Merry Christmas, Jared.”

The smile Colin received in return for his words lit up the darkness of the room better than any Christmas decoration ever could.



Christmas hit hard but efficiently in Queen Elizabeth Hospital in London. Still being admitted over the holiday was tough on Jared, but the lucky fact that everyone was off work meant that there were plenty of visitors to occupy the singer’s time, something that helped in keeping his fluctuating moods light. Quite a few people stopped by room 216, which became base of operations for the little family. Jared was pleased with the distraction, pleased to see all the people he considered friends. Everyone from old acquaintances to all the members of the Mars crew had stopped by and Jared was so thoroughly happy about getting some company, that he was willing to ignore the ingrained awkwardness of visits in hospitals, as well as the fact that everyone asked the same uncomfortable questions. He figured he should get used to being asked about the shooting, so he might as well practice his replies now.

A few had even attempted bringing Colin up in conversations, but they had all quickly been shot down by a few well-placed jokes to change the subject. Jared was still not sure how he felt about his ex’s close proximity, let alone how he was going to handle the multitude of rumours littering his official love life, so he had decided on silence for now. Luckily for him, deflecting questions was an art form he had mastered years ago.

On December 26, an impromptu birthday celebration was drummed up in Jared’s hospital room. Everything was there except for candles, due to the flammable oxygen containers. The morning began early with Shannon appearing at the crack of dawn with streamers and balloons – long before he would usually show up on any other day. The drummer was well aware that Jared found it hard to stay asleep in the hospital and had taken it upon himself to make sure that his little brother would not lack company all morning on his birthday. But the plan misfired slightly when the exhausted Shannon on his arrival ditched the decorations and instead climbed in next to Jared on the bed and promptly slept for three hours, much to Jared’s fond amusement.

At nine, Tomo arrived along with Vicki and Constance. The boys’ mother had flown in from Los Angeles and would be in London all week. With her, she had brought Jared’s own pillow from his house in LA, as well as a few other odds and ends to make her son’s hospital stay easier, including a large portion of Jared and Shannon’s shared DVD collection. She had only just left to return to her hotel room to sleep off the jetlag when Colin arrived.

As soon as Colin eyed Jared in the hospital bed, he had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. The singer was propped up on fluffy red pillows like a royalty and a goofy birthday hat was perched on his head. Gift-wrapping paper and various presents were lying in piles around him. When Jared realized he was being watched by someone other than just his overbearing brother and band mate he was less than pleased, and if looks could kill the Irishman would be long dead.

Colin was undeterred. “You look… adorable,” he said, forcing out the words. He was still trying to contain himself, as laughing would likely make Jared kick him out. At Colin’s words, the birthday boy quickly yanked the offending item off his head, blatantly ignoring Shannon’s ‘Hey, I bought you that!’ before throwing it on the floor with as much nonchalance as he could manage – which was not a lot, before swiftly declaring, “You saw nothing!” while pointing his long finger at the smirking Irishman as threateningly as he could muster from his position.

“Of course not.” Colin grinned as he held up both his hands in a placating gesture, palms facing the singer, making Jared huff.

Not waiting for an invitation, Colin stepped into the room and took a seat in one of the chairs. He gave Shannon a nod and threw a smile in Tomo’s direction, before giving his ex-boyfriend his full attention once more.

“It was just… Shannon said it would make me cheerier.” Jared mumbled, feeling a sudden need to explain, as he fought the strong urge to pout. It might score him some pity points, but his dignity was endangered enough as it was. It was either that or getting catty but with everyone on high alert for tension, it seemed like a lost cause.

“Did it work?” Colin asked, still smiling, but the firmness in his gaze betrayed the seriousness of the question.

Jared looked him square in the face, pointing a brave smile in his direction, the gesture genuine. Though beautiful, the smile could not quite hide the persistent shadows in the older man’s gaze.

“Happy birthday, Jared.” Colin announced softly, a tender look on his face and compassion in his eyes as he tried to put his emotions across.

Tomo took that as his unspoken cue, “Come on, Shannon, it’s time you showed me that hot barista who works in the Starbucks down the street.” Jared looked confused, but Colin merely exchanged a grateful smile with Tomo.

Jared’s attention had solely been on Colin from the moment the Irishman entered the room and Colin was no better. Tomo was not even sure the actor had truly noticed that they were not alone, from the way his eyes lingered on Jared. Having made up his mind, Tomo dragged a pained looking Shannon with him out of the room, the drummer resisting briefly as he gave Jared a firm nod that the younger brother returned in confusion, the door sliding closed behind them.

A somber silence descended and Jared had to fight the urge to fidget on the bed, his restlessness rearing its head. He could not help but wonder if things would always be this hesitant between them now, this unsure. It was such new territory. Their previous relationship had been based on confident touches and playful banter, not long silences and indecision.

“I got you a present.” Colin ventured, sounding nervous as he got out of his chair and stepped forward, handing over a white envelope to Jared.

Happy with a distraction and flattered by the effort from Colin, the musician reverently opened the gift, feeling the paper come apart between his fingers. In the envelope was a folded card with a gold ‘Happy Birthday’ engraving. He opened the card to find a business certificate from his favourite music shop in New York, with a note saying Good for one custom-made electric guitar in Colin’s scratchy handwriting.

“Colin, this is…” Jared was stunned. Custom-made instruments were worth a small fortune, but that was not the point. He knew Colin could afford it. They had never cared much about presents between them. This was one of the first presents he had ever received from the younger man. If it were not for the fact that he knew the Irishman to be very generous with those he cared about, he would almost have called this out of character for Colin. He wondered if it were because they both were males that Colin had always hesitated in giving Jared presents, or it was simply the nature of their old relationship. More often than not, a night of amazing sex had been the offering on birthdays and major holidays.

Then there was Colin’s lack of enthusiasm towards Jared’s career. Not that the Irishman had ever doubted the singer’s talent, he simply detested how often it dragged Jared away for long periods of time. Though Jared doubted it had been Colin’s intention, this guitar somehow felt like a peace offering on the career front. An acceptance of Jared’s chosen profession and it warmed him.

Colin could not help but grow worried at Jared’s silence and said anxiously, his previous grin faltering, “…For you, I mean. The guy is just waiting for your design and then he’ll begin constructing it. I know you like that little shop in New York and their handmade instruments. And I know that Pythagoras didn’t survive …that night. I know I’m not nearly as familiar with guitars as you and Tomo, but that place should be top notch and I know you like to design them yourself and…”

“Thank you, Colin.” Jared said, interrupting the younger man’s rambling with a grateful smile on his face. He had wondered what would be meaningful enough for him to replace his beloved McSwain guitar with, but now it seemed he had found it. “It was very thoughtful of you.”

Colin’s proud beam made Jared love his gift even more.

Their back and forth was interrupted by Shannon arriving with Tomo in tow. The Croat was carrying Jared’s laptop bag on his shoulder. The singer was surprised to see them again; he had expected to get at least a few hours of peace with Colin before they would return. Jared felt oddly disappointed over the interruption.

“Birthday present from the Echelon, guys!” Tomo called excitedly as he stepped closer to the bed, his gaze focused on finding the file he had just downloaded before he arrived. Strict orders from the nurses made him sure to turn off the computer’s transmitter before entering the ward.

Neither of them noticed the way Jared blanched at the mention of a gift from their fans; they were all too enwrapped in watching Tomo prepare the computer.

Placing the laptop on Jared’s stomach, they all watched as the screen lit up with images of the Echelon in various locations. Some were holding up signs, other’s had made colourful banners and all carried messages wishing Jared good health. It flashed over to videos of individual greetings from fans worldwide. Many were expressing their devotion, including little stories of how they came to adore the band. There were also a few awkward love declarations for Jared.

It was all very tasteful and all thoughtful, but the desired effect was absent and they could all only watch as Jared tensed up with every new spiel about how much he was loved and adored, and how they were all supporting him. The slender hands trembled as they sought refuge in clutching the bedcovers, trying to hide their human reaction to the emotional onslaught.

They are in love with a ghost, Jared thought, with a man who no longer exists and who likely never will again. How could they support a man they did not even know? A man who had brought them all in danger? They might as well have gotten hurt that night along with him. He knew it was over for him. He was done and there was nothing left for him. He had always been the perfect one, the intelligent one, the talented one, the pretty one. His career was his identity. It was the only thing he had to cling to, if he did not have that, what did he have left? And who would care for him once he faded into obscurity with all the other has been’s? He would disappoint everyone.

The next words made his heart freeze in his chest, before the warm, welcoming feeling of indignation soared in his chest, as his mind clutching at straws to feed the rage burning within him.

“…Jared has always said that he cannot dance, but that is not going to stop him from doing it anyway. We are kinda hoping that he will keep that attitude strong. Even if he can’t use his leg he will still enjoy his life…”

“Why must everyone fucking pressure me? I get it! I’m letting everyone down! You don’t have to keep telling me,” he barked throwing his good arm around, fighting the urge to throw the computer to the floor. Did they really have to keep reminding him that nothing was the same anymore? That he was no longer a force to be reckoned with, but now a man to be pitied?


“No, damnit! Everyone OUT! Get the fuck out of my room, all of you! And take that fucking piece of shit video with you. I can’t believe this.” He took a harsh breath and tried to force his chest to stop heaving. He was not going to mess up his lung again, Goddamnit. Visibly calming himself, he tried again, “Go. I need you all to go.” His usually strong voice trembling as he fought to contain the whirlwind inside of him.

Something inside him needed to snap, but an invisible force kept holding him up. He could feel his emotions brimming, fighting to surface, but he did not know how to get them out. He tried to reason with his mind, tried to isolate what he was feeling, but the only emotion surfacing was pain and rage. His body was aching. His heart was aching. His life was… wrong. He wanted to give in to anger. Wanted to get out of bed, leave the hospital, find him and beat the living shit out of the asshole for putting him in that position. For forcing him out of his own life. For making the Echelon leaderless, because he had nothing left to give to anyone anymore and he knew it.

Everything had changed and Jared could feel the rage burning within him. He felt humiliated. But most of all, he felt completely powerless. He was a man of action, but this time around there was nothing he could do. He was chained to a hospital bed, his future career ranging from somewhere between ‘in shambles’ and ‘not bloody likely you’ll ever be able to perform again, let alone walk’ and all because of the actions of one man.

He was angry. He was livid. The anger was his only source of comfort, the only thing he felt he had to keep himself sane and he clutched it to him like a crutch.

Watching the people closest to him, the people he loved, file out of his room with their shoulders slumped, Jared felt nothing but relief. He knew he was being an ass and taking it out on them, but damn it felt good. It was the only power he had left.


Once they entered the hallway, a flustered Tomo quickly apologised, desperate to avoid Shannon’s wrath, “Shit, I’m sorry Shannon, I thought it would cheer him up not... Not this.” He had never seen the problem on the horizon. He knew Jared was fairing badly, but this completely floored him. On any other day, hearing from the Echelon was always something that could ease the tension that Jared so often carried around with him and even bring a smile to his face.

But the drummer was too distracted by his own internal conflict to be able to offer much in consolation. “I know you meant well, Tome. And don’t apologize. Maybe this will make him vent a bit? He can’t keep it all in. His head is full enough with just the usual Jared-stuff without adding all this shit.”

“Can I try?” Colin burst out, unable to help himself. He needed to fix this, needed to make Jared smile again, whatever it took.

Shannon bristled, stepping forward. He was just about to violently rebuke Colin when he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder, holding him back. Tomo. The drummer felt conflicted, he badly wanted to comfort his younger brother himself, as he had always done. But Tomo and Shannon had collectively decided early on to encourage anything that might bring Jared his happiness back. Even if that meant Shannon had to step back every once in a while and let Colin try. But that would be ignoring his own raging instincts.

Colin had left behind such a mess that Shannon still wanted to keep him from accessing Jared when his brother was at his most fragile. Jared hitting one of the lowest points of his personal life, mixed with one of the lowest points of his career – in the form of a 30 million dollar lawsuit – had brought forward one of the worst crisis’ in Jared’s life. This was saying a lot, as the singer has lived through anything but an easy life. Jared was not just a mess – he was a walking disaster. Too much heartbreak in too short a time, left him a pitiful shell only driven by the last remains of his will to survive. The loss of Colin in his life and the uncertainty of a future in the music business had taken a devastating toll on Jared. On most days, Shannon had to physically drag him out of bed and get food in him to keep him from fading away.

His thoughts were interrupted by Colin. “Please let me try, Shannon, I only want to help.”

“That’s rich. You weren’t a lot of help the last time he needed you. You left him when he was being sued for everything he owned! I’ve never seen Jared love anyone the way that he did you, Colin. You were it for him. And you fucked it up… Why should I trust you now?” Shannon was well aware that he was being unfair towards Colin and that he was taking his own frustration out on the Irishman, but it was the only outlet he had. Shannon was watching his baby brother’s sanity crumble all over again and it was taking its toll.

Colin was just about to defend his position when Tomo interrupted, “Colin, go ahead.”

“What?” The drummer snarled, ready to turn his anger on Tomo, who remained unimpressed.

“Shannon, sidebar.” For the second time that day, Tomo dragged the resisting drummer through the hall, leaving a confused Colin behind. Pulling him into an empty patient-room, he asked: “What’s going on, Shan?”

“Why should we let him help?” Shannon snapped, but to Tomo’s bewilderment, the drummer did not look angry, he looked devastated. Not what he would be feeling, were this really about Colin.

“Because he can. You know he can.” He explained, his mind trying to piece together why his best friend was picking a fight with the one man who, besides themselves, might be able to talk Jared down. “What is really going on?”

“I don’t trust him.” Shannon whined.

“Since when?” Tomo was getting more and more confused, but he knew Shannon well enough to know that there was more going on.

“Since now.”

“No dice, Shannon, I don’t believe you. Now what is really going on?”

Shannon sighed, turning his head in the direction of Jared’s room, “Did you see my brother in there?” He asked softly, the next words barely audible, “He is quitting.”

“Quitting?” Tomo asked, still confused.

“Quitting music, quitting life, quitting it all!” Shannon barked, throwing up his hands in defeat.

“That’s not like him.”

“Don’t you think I know that?! He is my brother and I can’t reach him.” Shannon mourned, worried beyond belief about Jared. About what was left of him.


Colin opened the door softly, hesitating to disturb the room’s sole occupant. He feared the worst and he was not far off the mark. All the rage seemed to have fled Jared, and instead all that had been left behind was an empty shell of a man. The once lively blue eyes had been substituted with a hollow gaze, cutting into Colin from across the room.

“I wanted to be left alone.” Jared croaked from the bed, scrutinizing Colin with a steely look.

“You’re going to get your life back.” Colin replied, cutting right to the chase.

“I said go.” Jared’s voice was cold and the look in his eyes dangerous as he tried to stare the younger man into submission, as though he were a dumb interviewer.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why won’t you just leave me alone?!” Jared was as close to shouting as he was going to get, but Colin did not budge.

“I’m not leaving you alone, Jared.” Instead he stepped further into the room and retook his seat next to the bed.

“Well, that’s certainly a first.” The singer snarled arrogantly, baring his teeth.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Colin asked carefully, confused with this sudden turn in the conversation. He knew Jared well enough to know that the singer rarely played by the rules.

“No bars in the area?” Jared enquired with a fake nonchalance.

The conversation ground to a startling halt, leaving Colin gaping, before he snapped back. “If you’re going to pick petty fights with me, you need to brush up on your material. You know damn well that I haven’t touched liquor or drugs in years. Not since…”

“–Not since you showed up at my place with some whore requesting a threesome, if I recall.” Jared struck back.

“How many times do I have to apologize for that?” Colin sighed, fighting his annoyance. He was not nearly as keyed up as Jared, though he was getting there. He knew that the singer was trying to distract him, but he was damned if it was going to work.

“Well one more time sure wouldn’t hurt!”

“But it also wouldn’t help anything.” Colin yelled, throwing a hand through his hair in irritation. “Because you’re not mad about that. This isn’t about that! You’ve said it yourself; you forgave me for that a long time ago.”

“Well, maybe I lied.”

“Or maybe you’re just trying to piss me off enough to make me storm out of here in a huff and leave ya alone. Well it’s not gonna happen, Jay. You’re not even close.” It was frankly worrying how little energy Jared had put into pissing Colin off. Before all this, they would have been locked in a shouting match by now. They had always been spectacular at arguing, but this was a truly weak attempt.

Jared huffed, crossing his arms on his chest. “Go.”

“Back to that? I already told ya, I’m staying.”

“Why won’t you just leave me in peace?” Jared asked, defeated. His voice losing strength with every muttered word. Leave me to wallow in my misery in private.

“I can’t.” Colin replied, his voice as soft as Jared. “I won’t. Not until you stop being so hard on yourself.

Jared snorted. Well, that was an old argument. “You know that is not going to happen anytime soon.” He smiled sadly.

“We’re just gonna have to keep trying then, until you understand that what we love is not your talent or your good looks. We just love Jared. And the Echelon adores you no matter what you do.” Colin enumerated. “Besides, Tomo and Shannon will still be there even if you never touch another instrument again. Could you honestly see Shannon abandoning you?”

“And what about you?” Jared asked, his voice deceivingly neutral. Jared hated the fact that he wanted reassurance.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Colin repeated. Taking a step forward, he put a hand on Jared’s good leg, suddenly needing the connection.

“Whatever you’re doing to yourself,” the Irishman said carefully, “has to stop.”

“How?” Jared choked out, his mind still struggling against his inner demons. “How will this ever be right again? My leg is destroyed and I can barely breathe, how will I ever not be pitied?” He swallowed, “This will follow me the rest of my life.”

“So will the people who love you.” Colin countered, his voice small. He had no idea what else to say to Jared, he just knew there was nothing he would not do to make his former lover smile again, make Jared look at him with mischief and love in his eyes, not devastation and grief.

He wanted the beautiful man, lying there on the bed with his features illuminated by the fluorescent overhead lighting, to recognize the potential he still carried, shattered leg or not. Jared looked so vulnerable, so broken, but still so naturally gorgeous.

“You are so beautiful to me.” He blurted out, unable to stop himself.

“I look fucking translucent” Jared said indignantly, “And I'm pretty sure even you could take me in a fight.”

“Beautiful.” Colin ignored the weak dig and stepped closer instead, taking Jared's gaunt face in his hands, his thumb stroking the stubbled cheek. He had no idea what he was doing, no clue what motivated him to get so touchy, but they had never been good with words and he knew he had yet to make any impact of Jared. Maybe this would help.

A long minute of silence passed between them. Jared said nothing, hoping that Colin would let go on his own, but the Irishman held firm. A battle of wills overtook them as they stared each other down. Jared was dismayed to find himself on the losing end.

“Please let go, Colin.”

“I’m not going anywhere...”

The words chipped away at his already struggling self-control and Jared was upset to find tears gathering in his eyes. Colin was supposed to let him go, supposed to leave, but apparently the Irishman had not been listening. Colin had everything going for him and yet he still insisted on holding on to Jared in every way.

The singer felt weak and exposed. He tried to pull away but Colin kept his hands fixed to Jared’s face, forcing their gazes to remain locked. Without saying a word, he rested his forehead against the singer’s, his thumbs wiping away the tears that continued to run soundlessly down the man’s face.

Colin gathered Jared into his arms letting the smaller man rest against his chest, feeling him breathe out as he rested against Colin’s collarbone. This behaviour was so unlike the usually proud musician and it worried Colin immensely. Before all this, Jared would not have been caught dead in such a vulnerable position, crying no less. All he could do was hold the other man close, mindful of the aching chest, and try to let him know that he was there, that he was not going anywhere for as long as Jared needed him.

There was no sobbing, no harsh breathing; just an endless amount of tears falling down the older man’s reddened cheeks. The blue eyes open but vacant, his stare seemingly focused on nothing. Like he was barely there. Like he was barely hanging on to his sanity.

This time, life had Jared on his knees.




Posted by: legolastariel (legolastariel)
Posted at: May 17th, 2011 12:18 pm (UTC)
J/C I see you

This chapter is so awesome that it deserves a comment everywhere you posted it. I soooo love it!! 'And from the looks of it, others do to. You can be proud. This was an outstanding piece of writing!


Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: June 1st, 2011 04:48 am (UTC)

Thanks darling, you know I love ya! *blushes*

Posted by: this is the life on mars. (kamimura)
Posted at: May 18th, 2011 07:44 am (UTC)
mozart et salieri

i usually shy away from long, chaptered fics but this is amazing. the plot is just riveting and i love your characterization! especially for jared and shannon urgh. and it just breaks my heart (in an excellent way) because the scenarios and emotions felt by all the characters are incredibly realistic. looking forward to seeing how it will all end :)

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: June 1st, 2011 04:52 am (UTC)

The fact that I've managed to hook you regardless is quite the compliment! Thank you so much, this is my baby ;) And the brothers are a treat to write. I agree, the scenario is realistic (I was initially afraid of posting this for that very reason) it would be so horrible if anything ever happened.

Thanks for commenting and reading :)

Posted by: alice_domoto (alice_domoto)
Posted at: May 20th, 2011 10:14 am (UTC)

This new chapter is heart wrenching~
I feel really bad that Jared's birthday passed off like this :( Though he is showing his vulnerable self and cried in front of Colin, but there are just tears streaming down his eye. He was not showing any emotions-like sobbing or wailing. I think he still could not let go of his emotions.

I expect Jared is going to be discharged out of the hospital soon, right? I hope he'll be get better when he's outside. His leg is really a crucial matter. As long as his leg recovers, he'll feel much better.

Colin is such a loving and tender man (❤❤)Pls support poor Jared with all your love~ Haha~

Can't wait to see the next chapters!


Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: June 1st, 2011 04:57 am (UTC)

Hi Alice,
It was sad that Jared did not have a better day. He still has a long way to go, that's for sure, but at least he has people there helping him like Colin.

He will indeed be released soon, and yeah, hopefully things get better once he is back home. His leg is still a problem, but I promise more will happen there.

Colin is a sweetheart! And he is crucial for Jared! :P

More will be up later today :)


Posted by: jerseygirl1986 (jerseygirl1986)
Posted at: May 22nd, 2011 12:30 am (UTC)

Just read all ten chapters of this so far in one sitting. It's 1.30am and I have an interview and gig later today...see what your great writing does to me??! Please let there be more coming soon!

Posted by: addicusrosewood (addicusrosewood)
Posted at: May 25th, 2011 02:26 am (UTC)

I read all ten chaps the day this was uploaded and have been waiting/ freaking ever since lol

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: June 1st, 2011 05:00 am (UTC)
Re: omfg

Hehe. Don't worry, next chap will be up today :)

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: June 1st, 2011 04:59 am (UTC)

Wow, I'm impressed. Hope your gig and your interview both went well! :))) Thank you so much for reading it all and commenting!

More will be up soon

Posted by: jerseygirl1986 (jerseygirl1986)
Posted at: June 1st, 2011 02:43 pm (UTC)

Thank you. My article and interview should be in my local paper this week so if it is I will snap a pic and post for everyone to see. I'm always more than happy to comment! ;-)

Posted by: cujlover (cujlover)
Posted at: May 27th, 2011 12:41 am (UTC)

This chapter was that moving...seeing Jared that disaffected made cry while trying to read continous, what wasn't so easy!
OMG, they all will get a hard job, to help Jared gaining his self confidence back!!!
Hopefully Colin will at least make Jared believe in himself or in the Irishmen as weell again!
Not sure where Colin is planning to go with his...what to say?...yeah, feelings again? Does he still have enough feelings for the American, to try to restart a relationship...?
But that shouldn't be the first priority! First priority might be helping Jay believe in himself and in his future!
Being there for him, yes you said it, being there for him as long as Jared will need him....maybe an eternity? ;-))

Nevertheless, I loved this chap (and all the former ones)
and hope for the next one not that late....no pressure though! :-)


Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: June 1st, 2011 05:07 am (UTC)

I so glad you like it. And Jared is indeed going through hell confidence vise. He really doesn't believe he will make it anymore.
Colin is very important for Jared right now and Colin needs Jared too, hopefully that will help in rebuilding what they lost. Or at least rebuilding their friendship.

But yeah, first priority is definitely Jared's mental health.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

Next chap will be up today!

Posted by: cujlover (cujlover)
Posted at: May 27th, 2011 12:44 am (UTC)

Aggh...my spelling, bah! Sorry! Clumsy fingers and maybe a bit late, but couldn't sop reading again. Your writing style is just capturing! :-)

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: June 1st, 2011 05:08 am (UTC)

Don't worry about it dear. Thank you so much! :))))

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