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Fic: What About Now - Chapter 9

April 23rd, 2011 (11:53 pm)

Title: What About Now?

Pairing: Jared/Colin
Rating: R
Feedback: Need it! Need it so bad.
Disclaimer: NOT TRUE, and hopefully most will never ever happen. I own nothing.
Beta: The amazing legolastariel who was a huge help with this chapter. Thank you! *bows down*.

A/N: Story begins at the O2 Arena concert November 30th.
A/N 2: Dedicated, as always, in its entirety to the ever lovely and always supportive legolastariel!

A/N 3: I am back, baby!

Summary: Jared is fighting for his life. Colin is fighting with himself. And the press is fighting for a story.

November 2006

The ticking of the clock on the wall had been bothering Colin for a while now. It was the kind of sound that when noticed became overpoweringly annoying, as he could not keep from obsessing about it once it entered his mind. His brain had always had a tendency to linger on small unimportant things when sleep eluded him.

Not being able to find rest was relatively new to Colin. He had been sober for almost a year and he generally made the most of it. He truly enjoyed it. But one thing he had yet to get used to was sleeping without the influence of alcohol and pills clouding his mind. As a kid, sleeping had never been a problem, however, after finding employment in an industry that dealt with everything from draining parts and long shoots, to the emotional manipulation belonging to the special brand of Hollywood bureaucracy that had gotten grating before he had even received his first paycheck – proper sleep became a luxury.

Ignoring his throbbing head Colin turned in bed, reaching for his phone on the nightstand. He had been awake for what felt like a lifetime and he had hoped he would be feeling tired enough by now to be able to drift off, but so far no luck. Luckily, James would not be there before noon. Words could not describe the depth of the love he carried for his child and he always looked forward to spending time with James, but that still did not change the fact that the moment his son entered the house there would be no time to do any work or make any phone calls. Which reminded him…

Dialing the familiar digits from memory, Colin leaned back against the headboard and waited for the voice he loved.

“If you’re calling for phonesex I’m gonna have to disappoint you, love, I’ve got a headache.” Jared’s regular baritone voice was exaggeratedly high-pitched and girly, making a grin creep up on Colin’s face straight away. Calling Jared had been a good idea. Talking to the American always helped ease his mind a bit. It might even calm him down enough to make him able to sleep later.

“Not calling for sex, just wanted to hear your voice.” There was a pause on the other end and Colin could hear a door opening and closing, a telltale sign that Jared had probably left wherever he was to get some more privacy. It never ceased to amaze Colin that Jared had no problems firing off remarks about sex in a crowded room, but when someone wanted to talk emotions Jared needed to be alone so that people would not hear.

“You’ve been getting enough sleep? You sound a bit… I don’t know not-Colin-ish.”

“That was very articulate of you, Leto.”

“You’re avoiding my question. Besides, my boyfriend would have disregarded my first words and asked me what I was wearing under the guise of making polite conversation.”

“Fine, what are you wearing?” Colin tried to sound exasperated but the huge smile on his face gave him away.

“None of your business, you perv.” Jared pitched, making Colin snort. You could never win with Jared Leto. Colin was just about to try to push his luck regardless, when Jared spoke again. “You still haven’t answered my question. Are you okay or do I need to beat someone up?” Colin decided that making a dig at Jared’s less than impressive physique for fighting was too easy a target and decided to just go ahead and appreciate the care with which the question was meant. Besides, Jared could be a vicious little fucker when he put his mind to it and Colin was not completely convinced he could actually take the American in a fight. But that was a thought for another time. Jared’s question only reminded him of what their previous banter made him less focused on.

“I feel like boiled shite, to be honest. My insomnia is working up.” Colin ran his palm over his face with a sigh before burying his hand in his hair.

“Cravings or nightmares?” Jared knew him well. And the singer had never been one to beat around the bush or shy away from awkward questions. The moment Colin had left rehab; Jared had been there to help him through it. Even though, Jared had been clean twice as long as Colin had known him, he could still relate and had no trouble understanding how Colin felt.

“Not really nightmares, just really fuckass dreams that make absolutely no sense.” Without the alcohol to dull his mind, his brain now had the tendency to work overtime and supply weird images. The poor thing was not used to coping with life’s many stresses with no chemical help.

“I figured, seeing as it is 3 AM in the dear City of Angels right now and you are usually asleep at this hour.”

Colin snorted. “I hoped you hadn’t noticed the time.”

“I’ve only been gone for 3 weeks. My internal clock is still using LA as default.”

“It’s quiet without you around.”

“I miss you too.” Colin could hear Jared smile over the phone. “Are you getting James tomorrow?”

“Yeah, Kim is dropping him off at noon, can’t wait to see him, we’re going to the Zoo if the weather is good–”

“Hang on a second, Colin.” Jared interrupted. The Irishman could hear Shannon’s voice in the background, which was soon drowned out by cursing that would probably land Jared’s soul eternal damnation. Before he could ask what was wrong, Jared was back on the line. “I gotta go. Three cases of equipment are missing. They are apparently on hold indefinitely in customs due to some shitty, ridiculous technicality of the measurements being converted wrongly. Fuck it! Heads are gonna roll on this one, I swear to God.” Jared ranted, his anger palpable over the phone line and Colin felt sorry for the ones who would find themselves targets of the infamous Leto wrath, deserved or not, “I have to go, I need to call the embassy and do some namedropping or we will lose the gig tonight. I’m so fucking sorry, Colin. I can’t talk, I’m sorry…”

Colin bit back a sigh. Most of their conversations ended like this these days, but he knew how full Jared’s schedule was and how many tasks he took upon himself. “Don’t worry about it, I know you’re busy.” And he did know. But knowing did not make it any easier. He would really have liked to talk to Jared. He wanted to talk to his friend, to his boyfriend. Needed to talk.

“I will call you back later.” Jared said, frustration and anger that was never directed at Colin clear in his voice. Jared wanted to be there for his boyfriend so badly, but he also had a crew of 10 people, 3 band members and an audience of 7000 who needed his attention. He had to go.

“Okay, Jay.” But the call never came. Colin was not surprised, as he often promised the same thing. There was no malice behind the lack of communication and no deliberate attempts of pulling away, but they had gotten so used to rarely speaking, used to their daily lives running separately and used to postponing everything in favour of their jobs. The more time passed between them seeing each other, the less they communicated. And though they missed each other so much it was almost physically painful, the dull ache of loneliness became so normal that they had long since stopped questioning it. It was just the way things were.

After saying his goodbyes, Colin settled in for another night without sleep.


3 weeks after the shooting.

The sun was out for the first time in weeks, but the chill in the air was still merciless. Shannon turned his bike around the corner, ignoring the buzzing of the phone in his front pocket. He knew it was Colin calling to check up on Jared. The singer was not allowed a phone, as anything with a transmitter was not welcome in the hospital, much to his younger brother’s severe dismay.

Colin had returned to his house in Los Angeles a few days ago, to resume filming Horrible Bosses, but he still checked in on Jared’s progress at least once a day. And Jared seemed to appreciate it, demanding to know whether or not Colin had called whenever he saw Shannon. He told himself he was not picking it up because he was driving, but the whole truth would likely point towards a childish loathing of Colin, which had only gotten stronger since his brother and his boy-toy became friends again.

Shannon would always have mixed feelings regarding Colin. The Irishman was a nice enough dude, and he could make Jared smile, which was a wonder in itself, but he also had the power to send his little brother into a tailspin all over again if he decided that Jared was too much work now, something Shannon was less comfortable with.

Jared had not exactly been his old confident self and the drummer had no idea when pre-shooting-Jared would return, if he ever did. Shannon could live with whatever Jared came out of this. Jared was his brother, band mate, business partner and best friend all wrapped in one and he loved him to pieces. They spent a hell of a lot of time together. They were not the kind of brothers who lived separate lives and only saw each other on major holidays. Far from it. 

And if Colin was going to be a big part of Jared’s new life, then Shannon had to prioritize getting along with him, which meant he was a lot more lenient with Colin than he was with anyone else who had ever dared hurt Jared. If Jared liked him, Shannon would have to like him too. If nothing else, then for Jared’s sake. He cared too much about his younger brother finally finding some happiness, to be petty. Even if he badly wanted to start some immature feud with Colin, he would contain himself.

He refused to be the problem. Jared had enough of those as it was – he did not need Shannon to present another. He would call Colin back when he was done visiting.

Jumping off his beloved Ducati, Shannon hauled it away and parked it behind an old shed, roughly two hundred yards away from the main entrance of the hospital. Luckily, walking had never bothered him. It would seem like an odd place to park something so valuable to him, but Shannon considered it the safest thing to do.

Over the years, Jared had taught him plenty about how to arrive and leave inconspicuously, as well as the importance of giving very little practical to go on for the paparazzi to use. Shannon walking or arriving in a taxi left them with no vehicles to follow around they could brand as his.

The drummer could not help but muse at how shockingly inattentive people were, once their expectations were in place. Close to a hundred dutiful Echelon took ‘shifts’ outside the hospital in a vigil, they all knew how Shannon looked and yet none of them took any note of his approach. They were still expecting a car arriving in some elaborate fashion filled with guards and assistants, not a pedestrian. He could not blame them, for the first 2 weeks that had been how he arrived. He was driven around everywhere. Suddenly, he was plunged into fame as poor Jared’s distraught brother. In the eyes of the media, he was the one with all the info and for the first few days, whenever he left the hospital, they clamored around him in a desperate attempt to get a statement or a dramatic picture. However, the moment it became clear that Jared was not going to die after all, the situation calmed down considerably, and once the band began releasing some basic statements the news vans that had littered the area left in search of tomorrow’s headlines. Nevertheless, the ever persistent and determined paparazzi stayed behind shadowing the hospital.

And so did the Echelon. They were still standing strong outside, as well as continuing the global assault of the bands demographic. The street walks and pavement were littered with chalk drawings and even a few illegally sprayed glyphs here and there. Shannon had even heard mention of possible fines being handed out if anyone discovered who exactly had painted the more permanent ones. That in turn had sparked the band releasing a plea for the Echelon to respect private and public property laws. Not that it had made much of a difference.

Before all this madness happened, 30 Seconds To Mars seemed to be skittering on the edges on fame. They were well known in some circles, but mainly the ones dealing with music and the occasional gossip, like MTV and other music stations. But they had never been common in the mainstream charts, yet now they were suddenly a household name.

Oh yeah, he was the guy from that TV-show, wasn’t he? My So-Called Life. Whatever happened to him?

Jared was known from his name. Even if people could not place where they had heard the name before, it was still familiar. Put a handsome face to the name, successful movies, interesting music and stir in some pity and you suddenly had a winning combination. Jared was the hottest topic in the celebrity news.

And the bias was in their favour for once.

Shannon felt rather ambivalent about the whole thing. This was what they had dreamt of for the past ten years, universal recognition was imminent and they were unexpectedly critically acclaimed. And it felt good, because they knew they deserved it. They knew they were rather decent musicians. They knew that they had made it this far through hard work and they knew that this was where they had always wanted to go. They had been pushing towards getting bigger and bigger for years. And now they had arrived at the top. Rolling Stone wanted them on the cover and everyone from 60 Minutes to Jay Leno wanted to hear their side of the story. Yet now that their dream seemed to be coming true it felt rather hollow. It was what they wanted, but not how they wanted it. It was supposed to come through their hard work paying off and not someone almost stealing his brother away from him.

Pushing the rather disconcerting thought out of his mind, he made his way past the group of teens camping out on the lawn adjacent to the front doors of the hospital. The crowd had placed themselves in rings around battery operated heaters. They were an odd assemble of people. There were some of the usual suspects: the fangirls. But he was surprised at the large amount of men. Gay men sitting next to straight men, who for once seemed completely okay with that arrangement. The adding of Colin Farrell to the mix of stories around Jared and the fact that the Irishman had been seen on several occasions coming and going, had stirred up the ever present gay rumors. Add to it that Colin had not released a statement dispelling anything, the band’s refusal to comment on personal stories and the end result was people taking it as a roundabout confirmation of the rumors.

Shannon had deliberately refrained from asking Jared what he wanted to do about the reports. He knew that there was no way that Jared would ever show up on the front cover of a magazine giving some theatrical statement of his sexuality. Jared was theatrical – but only when it did not involve his personal life. That was something Jared endeavored to take as seriously as his career.

Nodding at the guards, he made his way through the sliding doors and into the front hall. He was aiming for the elevators when a voice stopped him.

“Mr. Leto, can I have a moment of your time?” Doctor Chambers called, as he jogged over to Shannon from the nurses’ station, a clipboard in hand. Shannon had become quite familiar with the older doctor and had even come to like him. He appreciated the care the man had shown towards Jared in the past three weeks. Doctor Chambers was a hard man to shake and had taken the chaos of the media outside his hospital with a composure that Shannon wished some of the more star struck nurses would copy. Not once had the aging doctor treated Jared differently due to his star-status, on the contrary, he showed extra care towards his patient due to the added stress of the delicate situation. Moreover, Shannon not only respected the other man for his cool, but also for his incredible candor.

“We need to discuss your brother’s mental health.”

Shannon quickly nodded and the doctor motioned towards a bundle of chairs in the waiting room where they both took a seat.

“Is he – will he be okay?” The drummer asked, crossing his legs in plastic chair, worry amassing in the pit of his stomach. He had a feeling where this might be headed and he would be lying if he said he was not afraid for his younger brother.

“I would say your assessment of your brother is as valid as mine. But I will not deny that I am worried about him slipping into depression at the very least – post traumatic stress disorder at the worst – from this. You have mentioned the frequent nightmares, and my nurses have mentioned that he can be a bit …irate. Anything else I should know about?”

“He has not been himself at all, to be honest. He hasn’t taken well to any teasing or any attempts at joking with him. Not jokes about the shooting, of course. But he is super sensitive about everything and it freaks me out. I used to know him and now I have no idea what to do or say to help him.” The words fled Shannon. He could not deny that he was afraid.

Two days ago

“Food is coming. You want some?” Shannon’s deep voice seemed to break through the daydreaming-bordering-on-napping occupying Jared. The younger man had been on the verge of sleep for most of the day and Shannon had gotten a lot of reading done because of it. His few attempts of conversation had fallen flat, but Jared had not seemed overly bothered by anything, so Shannon had let him be, blaming Jared’s fatigue on his still slow moving recuperation.

“No thanks.” Jared’s voice was hoarse and for once it was almost swallowed by the obtrusive breathing mask covering his face. Shannon could not fight the urge to try and lighten the mood a bit.

“My mistake, I phrased that wrong.” Shannon put on his most no-nonsense tone, but the twinkle in his eyes remained, “Let’s try this again. Food is coming, you’re eating it.”

“Ah, that’s the brother I know and love.” Jared replied with a smile that was a ghost of it former brilliance. But it was a smile nonetheless and that warmed Shannon a bit. Jared smiled too rarely these days.

“Well, someone has to take care of you and God knows you don’t make it easy, I swear you send us to the waiting room every other week with your stunts.”

“Oh fuck off, Shannon, I can take care of myself just fine!” Jared snapped unexpectedly, suddenly pissed at his brother. Shannon looked stunned by his sudden outburst, which somehow angered Jared even more, though he could not figure out why. Shannon did not have to keep reminding him that he screwed up. That he had almost gotten everyone hurt and that their careers were severely endangered by this. He had never felt so raw emotionally and Shannon’s words stung. It was no secret that Jared had been a frequent flier at hospitals most of his life and he knew that even a 90-year-old could fight off infections and shake illnesses better than him, but did Shannon have to keep reminding him that he was weak?

“That was not what I meant, Jay, I know that you can take care of yourself. Let’s just get you some food and we’ll…” Shannon said soothingly, holding his hands up in a futile attempt to placate Jared.

“Don’t fucking do that!” Jared yelled, before slamming his good fist into the soft bed covers, his face contorted in anger.

“Excuse me?” Shannon was rapidly becoming indignant.

“Don’t you dare dismiss me. I’m so sick of all your-… Stop looking at me like that!”

“Like what?” This time the indignance was clear.

“Like I’m not your brother anymore!”

Shannon looked completely baffled. He was used to Jared’s brain making odd leaps, but this one completely blindsided him. He had no idea what to say to that, as he had no idea what Jared was trying to express. As close as they were, he could not read Jared’s mind.

“Stop looking!” Jared said, his voice reduced to a pitiful whine. Shannon found himself turning his head away and throwing his eyes to the floor.

“Baby Jay,” he began, horrified and devastated by his younger brother’s words, but Jared cut him off.

“I am okay, damn it! Why does everyone keep treating me like I’m made of glass or on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I’m fucking fine.”

“Jared… why,” Shannon licked his lips, pausing as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say, “Jay, you don’t have to be strong, okay...” The moment the words left his mouth, Shannon knew they were the wrong thing to say. Jared was a minefield these days and he had no idea how to read his changing moods.

“Don’t you dare patronize me. I’m not a child or some chick in distress, okay?!” Jared was shouting by now, growing hysterical. The sheer rage he had mustered up for this argument threw Shannon for a loop.

But the singer’s breathing worried him more. Ragged gasps were expelled from the bony chest with a force that could not be comfortable or healthy. “Jared, maybe you should try to breathe…”

Jared actually growled as he picked up Shannon’s discarded magazine with his good hand and threw it at his older brother. Only the drummer’s senses being on battle alert made him duck in time. Jared’s hand then intertwined in his hospital gown and he clutched his chest desperately. A hoarse sound was leaving Jared's throat with every intake of breath. The monitors beeped wildly as the singer’s heart rate increased with every second.

“Jared,” Shannon called desperately, the previous argument forgotten as quickly as it had started.

Jared’s hands flew to his chest, just above his damaged lung and he clutched the thin fabric of the hospital gown like a vice. He was getting more and more agitated with each hoarse, croaking breath. More and more desperate, as his body refused to cooperate.

“Can’t… I can’t,” he forced out, between the ragged gasps, before making a terrifying, strangling sound as he threw his head back, eyes bulging as his lips turned blue. Shannon was on his feet immediately but before he had time to yell for help, the room was suddenly flooded with medical personnel, as the machines wailed. Jared’s bed was lowered and something was pushed into the IV. After only a minute of struggling, Jared seemed to sink back on the bed, defeated.

Before Jared could succumb to blissful unconsciousness he looked over at Shannon, tears from exhaustion and pain making his eyes shine, though his cheeks remained dry.

“I’m still your brother, aren’t I? Right?” Jared asked, heartbroken. The wounded man simply did not know who he was anymore. The real Jared would have been out of bed by now, preparing shows and appearances. Not chained to a bed. The singer had never felt so powerless before. He was Jared Fucking Leto. He was a performer. Not a patient. Not an invalid. Not this. He was no asset to his bandmates now, no threat to other artist during award nominations and certainly not someone unscarred and sexy for Colin. He was a nobody.

“Always.” Shannon reassured, or tried to. Jared’s eyes slipped closed in pain, but from the look of it, no tension slipped from his brother’s much too stiff body. Shannon had no idea why Jared had suddenly freaked out about something so blatantly obvious. There had to be a deeper meaning to Jared’s pain, but Shannon could not really follow it.

But he would repeat the words until he was hoarse, if only it would make the haunted look in Jared's eyes disappear.

Shannon was just about to reach out and touch the still form, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. A nurse the drummer had tried to chat up unsuccessfully a few times gestured for him to follow her into the hallway. He thought her name might be Charlotte. “Come with me, please,” she said, her tone curt. Shannon threw a last look at his brother, before he was swallowed up by the small crowd of white coats, a myriad of new tubes arranged around Jared. Shannon followed her out of Jared’s earshot.

Nurse Charlotte threw Shannon a look, trying to decide if he had agitated her patient. Huffing, she pulled off her latex gloves. “First of all, he is fine. Similar relapses are not uncommon, though they are definitely unwelcome. His lungs are still weak from the ordeal and it will be some time before they have healed completely...” She went on as Shannon closed his eyes, sighing. He was relieved that the damage was minimum, but the image of Jared choking would haunt him for long. It was just too much. Too much agony for his brother in too short a time. “We have put him back on the respirator and it will be about 12 hours before we let him try and breathe on his own again.

Shannon listened, he really did, but it was hard for him to focus on anything other than the sheer brokenness in his brother’s gaze before consciousness fled him.


The difference between night and day in a hospital was staggering. The days were bustling with activity, nurses came to check his vitals every hour, doctors stopped by to poke and prod at his leg and listen to his lungs. Quiet moments were a rarity. At night, a precarious peace settled in the long halls and even the heart monitor seemed less obnoxious. By now, Jared had gotten used to being woken up at 4 in the morning; just in time for the first round of nurses checking vitals.

After their visit, the singer fiddled with the breathing mask as he tried to sit up straighter. He was feeling restless and agitated and he badly wanted to change his position from lying on his back, but the only thing he could do was raise the bed up and down, and even that got pointless after a while. His embarrassing meltdown in front of Shannon and the entire staff was now two days ago and his lung felt as good as it had before the relapse, but the breathing mask was still necessary, though there had been talk of replacing it with a nasal cannula by the end of the week. 

Unfortunately, his lung was the only thing cooperating with him in these days. Though his leg was slowly starting to heal, the agony still took a lot of medication to control which in turn made him feel loopy and helpless. Vulnerable. His emotions were all over the place, his mind running through a thousand different scenarios every day, all ending in the same place. Life as he knew it was no more. His career was in the gutter. He would forever be known as the guy who got shot by his stalker. His identity was gone.

As a band they had always believed in a slow burn, refusing to be hyped into a media sensation. But that was hard to avoid now. This whole thing had been like a disastrous tidal wave, dark and murky water rushing in and destroying everything, leaving his world behind ruined. Overrun. There was no fighting it. Nothing was left behind and everything had to be rebuilt. It was strange that just one night could do so much damage. Could leave behind such a mess.

Careful of the IV still attached to his hand he reached up and rubbed his face, massaging his temples. A headache was building and the pain meds were making his vision fuzzy.

“Good morning.”

Jared startled on the bed when he found none other than Colin leaning casually against the doorway to his room, the light from the hallway glowing behind him like a halo. The Irishman was wearing a pair of jeans, a black tee and his favorite dark leather jacket. Colin looked amazing, so vibrant and alive. The singer wanted to curl in on himself from the sight alone. Jared knew he was pale with sunken cheeks and floppy hair, which could use some coloring. He knew he looked a mess compared to Colin. 

It’s not even 5.” Jared retorted.

“That would still make it morning.

“When did you get here? You told me you didn’t have any time off before Christmas day. You’re not supposed to be here now.” Jared had no idea why it was suddenly so important to him that Colin should not be here right now. But loopy or not, he knew that Colin could be in big trouble by doing this.

“Shannon called.” Colin said, as if that was answer enough. “He said you weren’t doing so well. I took some leave…” He was on the verge of lawsuit already and leaving again had certainly not helped. Nevertheless, he had promised himself he would be there. Not travelling to London was not an option.

It warmed Jared to know that Colin had risked his career for him. He knew that Colin cared, of course he did, but to see the extent of it was different.

But it sparked yet another conflict within him.

Their timing was just horrible. He loved Colin and he knew he always would, but a reconciliation was just not possible right now. He had nothing left to give to anyone. He could barely manage looking after himself. Feeling very disheartened, Jared tried unsuccessfully to curl into a fetal position, but the traction on his leg stopped him. He let out a pitiful sigh.

“You okay?” Colin asked, worry in his tone.

“I swear if one more person asks me if I’m okay, someone is getting killed.” Jared snapped. His mood was horrible. He wanted someone to come and comfort him. And he wanted to be left alone to wallow. Both at the same time.

“Why are you so pissy today?” The Irishman asked, but there was no heat in his voice, merely curiosity. Only Colin and Shannon had ever been immune to Jared’s mood-swings.

“Can’t fucking move. Every time I try something hurts.”

“When are you getting out of the traction?”

“Sometime in January. And I can’t go home before that. I’m stuck in this shithole during Christmas, New Years and my birthday. Did you know we were supposed to be in Vegas on New Year’s Eve? Vegas, Colin!” It was as though someone had opened the floodgates and Jared could not help but pour out his frustration. “I want to leave. I want to go outside again. I want to walk.” Jared could feel emotion building in his chest. He wanted to cry, to scream and yell. “Please, just let me walk out of here.”

“What do you need me to say, Jared?”

“I need you to tell me everything is going to be okay. That I haven’t lost everything.”

“You haven’t lost me. You haven’t lost Shannon and Tomo. And if the throngs of people still outside the hospital are any indication, you still have your Echelon.” Colin comforted, and then softly he added, “I don’t know what is going to happen. I know even less than you. But I do know that if anyone can fight the odds… Well then it’s you. I wont even pretend to know what you’re going through right now, I just know that whatever you need from me, you can have, I’m here for you.”

I need you to be my friend…” I need you to never leave my side again.

“You have that. You always will.”





Posted by: Tardigrada (agema11)
Posted at: April 25th, 2011 07:07 pm (UTC)

Oh! Thank you very much! What a beautiful and amazing story!!!

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: May 16th, 2011 11:59 am (UTC)

Aw, thank you! That's really sweet of you, I'm glad you like it :)

Posted by: alice_domoto (alice_domoto)
Posted at: April 26th, 2011 09:45 am (UTC)

I'm so happy that you have written a new chapter :)
Poor Jared...his mood swings are like a roller coaster...Hope that Colin could stay with him more and comfort him, so that Jared would feel better, physically at least.
Your story is really well written. I enjoyed it so much when I read it. It is so emotionally intense.
Hope to see the new chapters soon!
Thanks for the wonderful story!


Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: May 16th, 2011 12:02 pm (UTC)

Hi Alice,
I'm happy to be back as well. His mood swings are terrible, but the poor guy is being put trough hell. Can't imagine going through that myself.
Thank you, that is really kind of you to say that. This story is my baby, so I'm happy it's been so well received.
New chap will be up in a few hours, so stay tuned :)


Posted by: shiralyndee (shiralyndee)
Posted at: May 2nd, 2011 12:40 am (UTC)

Thank you for the wonderful new chapter!!

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: May 16th, 2011 12:03 pm (UTC)

Thank you for the comment <3

Posted by: anabonsh (anabonsh)
Posted at: May 5th, 2011 08:04 am (UTC)

So worth the wait! I love this story so much. I loved Shannon's pov in this chapter! Your write all of then so real.

Posted by: Kayden (bouncinggoat)
Posted at: May 16th, 2011 12:05 pm (UTC)

I'm glad you think it's worth the wait, I was really afraid I had no readers left after my untimely absence. Shannon is by far one of my favorite people to write as I love their sibling relationship :)

Thank you! <3

Posted by: Misury (misury2)
Posted at: November 30th, 2011 09:14 pm (UTC)

all week long i am reading this fic and so far it's fabulously dramatic and heartbreaking, as well as really warm sometimes..

i can't wait to read on, and i really wanted to just let you know that i appreciate your work, i know writing long fics isn't easy at all..


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